A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a ‘Viet Nam Veteran’ hat. I never had one of these before – even though I was in the Navy at that time – so I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend was considerate enough to take the trouble to send it to me.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to WalMart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world’s largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the individuals who frequent the establishment.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me – probably in his early thirties – asked, “Are you a Viet Nam Vet?”
“No” I replied.
“Then why are you wearing that hat?”
Because I couldn’t find my one for the War of 1812.” I thought it was a snappy retort.
“The War of 1812, huh.” the Walmartian queried, “When was that?”
“1936″ (Please forgive me, but I couldn’t pass up such an opportunity.)
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, “Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?”
“It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it.” This was beginning to be way fun.
“Dude! Really!” he exclaimed. “How did you get to do something that COOOOL?”
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, “I’m not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission.”
“Dude!”, he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. “That is seriously Awesome! But, didn’t you kind of stand out?”
“Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage.”
The moron nodded knowingly.
“Listen man,” I said in a very serious tone, “You can’t tell anyone about this. It’s still Top Secret and I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Oh yeah?” he gave me the don’t threaten me look .”Like, what’s gonna happen if I do?”
With a really hard look, I said, “You have a family don’t you? We wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, would we?”
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.
By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack, she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw the dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me, he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another ‘deadly’ serious look, I made the “I see you” gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a fun time I had! Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need the right kind of hat.
Tomorrow I’m going back with a Homeland Security hat.
This has been going around the Web. If it’s yours, I’ll give credit. If you want it down, I’ll pull it down. But it’s too good not to share.
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America Can Solve the Student Loan Issue
The student loan crisis can be solved, while at the same time providing jobs and improving important parts of our nation’s infrastructure. Instead of students borrowing money for their higher education and having to live in debt for many years after college, America can and should develop work and service programs that enable our young men and women to earn the money required for higher education ‘up front,’ and then pursue their higher education with less financial burden. In the linked article, Adam Levin outlines the basics, and suggests a few of the obvious questions to be answered.
Adam Levin: A National Service Corps Can Solve the Student Loan Crisis
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